Zombie virus outbreak leaves students to rot

Sasha Sears, Feature Writer

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The forecast of the undead epidemic began at the reported time of 7:10 in the morning.

The initial zombie, whom a car rider mistakenly recognized as one of their friends, wandered into Perry Meridian High School’s lot before the sun had begun to rise.
Perry Meridian High School student Tom Stone was the first to notice the scene.
“It wasn’t just one zombie. There were practically hoards of them coming off the school buses,” Stone states.
Principal Kert Boedicker assembled a pep rally with guest speaker, Rick Grimes, in hopes he could “talk” to the zombies. Met with disaster, Boedicker turned to the new idea of incorporating apocalyptic drills the following day. Teachers were, during their third period class, administered to take their students and shelf-life cans down to the dungeon. Later, Boedicker sent the zombies loose on the students.
Prosperously, the student body was more than capable to keep the zombies under control. They even introduced the phrase “walk and talk” to the newcomers, hoping that the reanimated deceased would limp themselves to their next class in time.
Some were successful when inspired to chase a mouthwatering freshman to his or her Spanish one class. Others dragged themselves into the nearest classroom and blended in with the sleepless students for first period announcements.

“Thankfully, the lanyards make it so much easier for me to find my next snack,” one of the zombies state.

A math teacher, who insisted he remained anonymous incase his comment led to a zombie gorging on his brain, remarks on some of the characteristics that help differentiate student from zombie.
“ Avoid questions like ‘How was everyone’s weekend, who did their homework, and does anyone have a piece of gum,’” said the math teacher. Those questions result in scarily similar reactions: blank stares, a milked glaze over eyes and nothingness.

The smell of the toxic pong from their body odours resembles much of a sewer rat, but their instantaneous contribution to the school make up for it. For instance, an upsurge in possible homecoming dates have occured. Additionally, one of the head football coaches Matt Henniger has permitted zombies to be a part of the team.

“In case of any dislocated joint or broken bone, they can pop it back into place. It’s like nothing stops them.They help keep the game running smoother,” Henniger mentions.

For other overripe fruit gunky monsters, they’ve begun to fit into the classroom setting. Grunts over English papers, memory loss over upcoming quizzes and tests and congregations of large hoards by the mainstair case all have been seen by both zombies and students alike.

By 9 a.m. on Tuesday morning, the problem became arguably benign.
“I think, if they get too out of control, we’re going to get like a dump truck and scoop the zombies up and dump them over at Southport,” Boedicker said.